DaveJade Week 2015
by maidofpasta
Summary: Basically days 1-3 of this year's first annual "DaveJade Week" hosted on Tumblr (the url is davejadeweek). Day 6 will be reposted on Archive Of Our Own when I complete it (I'm considering seeking an artist for that), and days 4-5 are actual artwork. Day 1: Slice of Life Sunday. Day 2: Meme Monday. Day 3: Auditory Tuesday.
1. Slice of Life Sunday

Grandpa is being ridiculous. I only asked for him to make a nice visit between the Stri-Ley families and he makes a big stink about me moving out. I told him months ago that I'd be fine living alone with Dave, even though we've practically been doing it since we started playing video games over the Internet together, which turned into talking basically every night over video and pesterchum. We haven't done anything weird, and Dave doesn't push it, which is nice. The furthest we've gone is talking about relationships and coming up with bogus family situations... which is exactly none of Grandpa's business!

"Are you going to marry him?" Grandpa asks.

I feel my cheeks go hot and I angrily retort, "Why would you even—!"

"It's just that your brother John doesn't show any sign of getting married and I'd like to pass on the Harley name," Grandpa sighs.

I squint at him. "He doesn't even have our last name." John hasn't said it himself, but Rose and I have determined him to be as asexual as someone can get. Rose herself gave up years ago and is happily dating someone online. Someone not in her home state of New York, but I won't get into that because that's Rose's business. Besides, she met all of us online, so I can't judge her.

"He did once!" Grandpa shouts to the heavens. He's obviously distraught about divorcing my and John's Nanna, so I begrudgingly bring the topic back to the situation at hand.

"Are you worried because I'm moving to Texas?"

He snaps out of his despair and jerks his head back to me. I can just see his pout through his styled mustache.

I sigh and smile reassuringly. "Don't worry, Grandpa, I'll only be gone until Christmas." I try not to recognize that expression he gets when I tell him an inevitable truth.

I grab the last of my 49.5-pound suitcases and drag them to the door. Grandpa opens it for me like the gentleman he brags to be. Then he takes me to the Sea-Tac Airport. I'm going to be rooming with Dave Strider for college, and by no means did I go there just for him. He just happens to live in the area, that's all. I will agree to pay a portion of the rent and hopefully he will "keep down [his] wild apartment parties" to help me study. He apparently already got his degree during dual enrollment in high school and works for a living. He said that he'd help me find a job, too. The only work I've ever done is yard work in my greenhouse. It's going to be different, for sure.

* * *

"Bro," I say to my brother-slash-father figure. I'm trying to talk to him through his door, but he sleeps like a fricken' rock. I could probably run a chainsaw through wooden logs that have screeching alley cats in them and he wouldn't stir. "Get your ass out of bed, Jade's coming today and I can't have you in here." He insisted on "testing" the mattress we bought yesterday and hasn't come out since.

Suddenly, he opens the door and nearly knocks me out. If it weren't for my beatdown skills, I wouldn't have dodged it at all. "I guarantee you she will be late for her first day of college," he says, unusually chipper. I have surpassed him in height, but that probably means he's getting old. As far as I know, he stopped growing at twenty-five. And that makes the both of us stupidly tall. "I got so much sleep, I'm surprised I even woke up."

"Yeah, yeah, don't you have work?" I say, practically pushing him out of my apartment, which will very soon be shared with Jade, and I make my own stomach get the bad case of the rhopalocera variety sensation. We've only known each other since we were twelve and our conversations on romance tended to go a lot like this:

TG: so have you ever thought of dating  
GG: sometimes! my grandpa probably wouldnt approve though  
GG: but its fine! i think that hes right to tell me not to date anyone until i am out of high school  
GG: im just too busy!

At that time, I would grope at the screen, running my Dorito-stained fingers down the leds whispering, "love meeee."

TG: your grandpa sounds like a standup guy  
TG: hes right you know  
GG: :o  
TG: boys are gross  
TG: we dont shower  
TG: we challenge each other to dumb fights  
TG: and possibly the worst strike we have against us  
TG: we all wear snapbacks  
GG: my grandpa doesnt wear snapbacks i dont think…?  
TG: check his closet  
TG: no boy would be complete without them  
GG: i promise to check later. i have to do some homework first.  
TG: wow youre cute

At that time, I would promptly change the subject like a typical, cliched movie trope.

GG: what?  
GG: you think im cute? :D  
TG: i mean like  
TG: you do homework on a school night  
TG: following the rules is adorable  
GG: whatever you say dave!

Literally every conversation ends with me waving it off like it's not a big deal. Sure we've joked about what stupid things to name kids if we saw weird names in a videogame or what theme parks we would go to and even about what colors to paint our house. _Painting_. Ridiculous shit like that.

But it is a big deal.

She's going to be living with me. We're sharing an apartment.

This is going to be weird as hell.

* * *

Grandpa takes the largest of my belongings, my trunk of questionable paraphernalia, and hauls it up the single flight of stairs to Dave's apartment. I have the address memorized. I find the number. 4-13. I can't help but notice the doormat is brand new and has a pleasant "WELCOME" written across it. I wait until Grandpa arrives behind me before ringing the doorbell.

Some clanking is heard, and the door opens right after. There, a Dave Strider stands. He sure wasn't exaggerating about his height. My eyes go wide as Grandpa makes the first comment.

"My, you are stupidly tall," he mutters.

I drop my face in my hands in a double facepalm, careful not to smudge my glasses.

"Thanks, I guess," Dave says. "Sup, Jade?"

"You're supposed to say, 'good morning,' idiot!" someone shouts from the inside.

"Bro, go home!" Dave shouts behind him. "Sorry, Jade. Good morning, y'all. Can I get that trunk for you, sir?" I'm impressed by his politeness towards Grandpa. I just hope that Grandpa can just drop the overprotective dad act for once. He never let up, and every time I was on video chat with Dave, he always did something weird in the background!

Apparently, Grandpa is shocked, too. "Boy howdy," he mumbles.

I let out a sigh of relief. Then I look back at Dave and see another stupidly tall man, but not as tall as Dave, stands behind him. Dave and I look back and forth between the two gentlemen and exchange glances, which are expressions of mutual disgust. Dave scoffs and takes my trunk, barely able to lift it before I offered my help.

Eventually, everyone is inside and we're waiting on pizza for lunch. Dave and I have already broken out the video games, and it turns out we are pretty evenly matched at Mario Kart. I have already mentioned several times that I still need to unpack, since my stuff is just sitting in my room in boxes, but Dave keeps saying, "One more, one more." I can't say no to him lifting his sunglasses up and giving me puppy eyes. I'm already weak to dogs, but how did he know my weaknesses this soon?

I succumb to it every time.

"Grandpa, when does your flight leave again?" I ask over the freshly opened box of lukewarm pizza.

"Jade, when is your college tour again?" he asks, finally ahold of himself.

"Tomorrow," I answer, "At nine in the morning. I won't be by myself, you know." I glance at Dave, half a slice shoved in his mouth, giving a thumbs-up.

"Jolly good," Grandpa says ruefully. I shake off the regret on my own shoulders and take a slice. It really means a lot to him to do the "embarrassing parent at a new school" trope. "The plane leaves at eleven if you must know."

"Tell you what," Dave's "Bro" says suddenly. He's hardly spoken a sentence at a time, so this was already mildly shocking to me. "I'll drive us all to the school and then I take you to the airport and leave the lovebirds behind. Sound good?"

I promptly stuff my face at the "L" word and Dave chokes. Grandpa didn't react except thankfully.

"Brilliant!"

"Great! Sounds fun!" I swallow down the rest of my slice and retreat to my room to unpack.

* * *

"Knock, knock," I say, knocking on Jade's door after she ran off. If I know Jade, she's probably all weirded out by that awkward scene at the foldable dinner table. Sorry excuse for furniture I know, but I'm focused on the Disney movie scene I'm faced with currently.

"Come in!" she says from the other side. I open it and enter, closing the door behind me. She has her stuff all arranged in different parts of the room, everything open. The trunk is open by the bed, which is covered with a blanket and the overstuffed suitcase in between the closet and the dresser. It looks like she's been flitting between the two, putting stuff away directly, closet doors wide open and the drawers all extended outward. "I'm usually a mess, so I try to be as neat as possible when I move to new places."

"You move a lot?" I ask.

"Only a few times, but this has always been the routine."

"I've only been in one apartment, and it's right next door, so not much moving was done. But what's it like living in different places?"

She pauses to sit on the bed. "Ooh, this is comfy! Well, going into empty houses beforehand have always been my favorite part, just experiencing nothing but the space around me and imagining the possibilities. I hate the packing and unpacking parts. And leaving my brother was hard. We were thirteen, but I still can't forgive Grandpa or Nanna for it."

"Nanna's like John's mom, right? Like Grandpa is like your dad?"

"Pretty much! Adoption is weird." She lays herself down on the bed. She waves me over and I sit on it. Hot damn, this bed is comfortable. "Anyway, it's weird now because I've never moved to a place where I already knew the people there." She laughs. It is a lovely laugh. "I like it!"

"Random question," I say after laying down on the bed. We probably look like a teenage romcom right now, but I don't care.

"Random answer."

"You know those aesthetic posts on Tumblr? I usually blow them off, but for some reason, some random, incoherent reason, I feel like looking them up again." I'm heavily implying that she is making me feel this way, since we're now going to be roommates for an indeterminate amount of time.

Jade lifts herself up and leans on her elbow. "Dave, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Probably."

And just like that, the most epic pillow fort of all time was established in the land of Jade's Room.


	2. Meme Monday

A/N: This entire chapter is pesterchum chat. Hopefully this website will allow it for once.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 03:00 PM

GG: dave help me!

TG: jade oh my god

TG: are you okay

TG: is the shouty troll bothering you again

GG: no not at all!

GG: can you please explain this?

GG:

TG: that is a doge

GG: oh okay

GG: hes cute :D

TG: on the other hand dont do that to me

TG: gave me a frikkin heart attack

GG: sorry!

GG: we dont get very fast internet here, so im a little slow on whats popular nowadays

GG: its a meme right?

TG: yup

TG: one of thousands

GG: thousands?!

TG: thousands

TG: so many

TG: many popular

TG: very meme

GG: wow

TG: now youre getting it

GG: what?

TG: thats the punchline

GG: oh!

GG: okay what about this one?

GG: is this you, dave?

GG:

TG: yes

TG: you have found out my secret

TG: thats the ridiculously photogenic guy

TG: aka rpg

TG: totally me

TG: just saying

GG: whatever you say, dave

GG: okay last one

TG: shoot

TG: i am the meme master

GG:

TG: not a meme

TG: but a hot topic of debate

GG: why is a blue and black dress a topic of debate?

TG: first of all

TG: no

TG: its white and gold

TG: second

TG: case in point

GG: okay

GG: now this one is my favorite

GG: i think it could sum up the conversation so far

TG: go for it

GG:

TG: harley

TG: did you just

GG: i knew what those memes were, silly!

GG: i got you so good!

GG: ...

GG: dave?

GG: ...

GG: what happened?

GG: hellooooo?

turntechGodhead is an idle chum!

GG: heeheehee

turntechGodhead is online!

TG: had to step away for a minute

TG: had to process this

TG: yeah you got me real good harley

GG: :D

TG: you can say you

TG: haz it

TG: badum tsh

GG: so pun

TG: much meme

GG: wow :D


	3. Auditory Tuesday

A/N: The song is "Drops of Jupiter" by Train. I do NOT own the lyrics. I put them in quotes because I'm quoting the song. They're singing the lyrics together. Badly, but this is a wedding, everyone is having fun. Please don't suspend my account.

* * *

Dave refused to hire a band that wasn't perfect. Rather, no band would let him get up there and sing with them if the time came that he were under the influence and let him do as he damn well pleased.

But actually, there was only one band that would let him.

Thank God that they would, because they're the only band that both Dave and Jade seem to mildly enjoy.

He still can't believe how chill they were with it.

He met them the week before the wedding, and has been rehearsing in secret since. Not even John knew about it.

Then, the day came. The day that Jade and Dave will join together in front of their families and friends, even though they technically signed the documents at nine, exactly when the courthouse opened because they foolishly scheduled a wedding at eleven in the morning. Fortunately, they were the first ones there and it wasn't a big deal. They get to the chapel late, much to the chagrin of their main party.

Rose, the maid of honor, was especially hectic, because being the most responsible one, she had been the one to be in charge of the dress and get it to the church on time, as John said jokingly, receiving a smack upside the head from said bridesmaid. Kanaya was already waiting. Dave was dragged away by John to get ready. Jade was dragged away by Rose.

Jade was nervous, too. She'd been working on her singing and even been taking lessons in secret. She was always a better flute player, and she had sucked at it.

Kanaya and Rose painstakingly set her up for the ceremony, even though it was almost unnecessary because technically, they'd been married in the eyes of the state since 9:30 this morning. She thinks that Dave might have set this whole thing up on purpose so he could do something completely superfluous. She warmed up her vocal chords as a nervous habit, adding her vows to them so she won't forget.

Dave was also nervous because Karkat, the co-best-man with John, hadn't arrived yet. This moirail shit was the best and worst thing to ever happen to Dave because there are some days where he literally can't handle at least hearing that idiot's voice.

John reassured Dave that Karkat just ran into traffic. He bursts in just then, yelling about the literal racial profiling because he was pulled over for the upteenth time because of his horns, and ranting that Kanaya never had that problem. Dave literally felt the stress leave his body.

Jade was grateful for the window in her room, because all the hairspray was suffocating her. She opened the window to let in some fresh air and saw a van slowly drive by, and she could have sworn she had seen every single passenger in the vehicle before. They turned a corner before she could get a better look.

Suddenly, there was a bouquet thrusted into her hands and a veil covering her eyes and she was studying the wood polish on the chapel doors for an excuse to let Vriska put her to sleep, the van incident all but forgotten. She had nothing to worry about. Her vows were memorized, her best friends were surrounding her, and she was about to marry another one.

The ceremony passed fairly quickly and without incident. The Mayor did a great job as the ring bearer, nobody forgot their lines, and nobody's cell phone rang. By the end, Jade's hair had birdseed stuck in every curl and Dave's resting cool face had turned into a joyous one.

The reception is thankfully right outside, which was set up by Kanaya herself. She may be from a planet that doesn't have weddings, but she's a natural wedding planner. With Rose's guidance, she adds. The place was set up modestly, just enough for their closest friends and surviving family members. The stage was perfectly obscured by a huge, conspicuous curtain, which Dave knew to be concealing the band he'd hired.

Jade wanted to ask what that huge conspicuous curtain was, but was rushed to the main table by Dave. Everyone else followed suit, ready for the reception. John was obviously in it for the food. Roxy lightly chastised him for not letting the other guests go first. Then she pushed past him greedily.

Everything was going according to plan, that is, until the sun started to go down, when John did the best man thing by tapping the glass daintily. When nobody paid attention to it, co-best-man Karkat yelled at everyone to shut up. John thanked him and continued his speech. As soon as he was done, Dave stood up and made an announcement of his own.

That's when the lights went out. Then, those familiar piano chords started playing. Spotlights illuminated the curtains and Jade turned to Dave, who was gone. She glanced around and found him on stage, where the curtains were drawn and revealed none other than the band Train. Her jaw dropped about ten feet.

"Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
"With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey, hey  
"She acts like summer and walks like rain  
"Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey, hey, hey  
"Since the return from her stay on the moon  
"She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey, hey  
"Hey, hey, hey."

Dave was singing! She couldn't believe it. He wasn't that bad.

"But tell me, did you sail across the sun?  
"Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded  
"And that heaven is overrated?  
"Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star– i know i did  
"One without a permanent scar?  
"And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?"

He wasn't faltering yet. This was good. Jade looked really surprised and happy. That's all he wanted.

"Now that she's back from that soul vacation  
"Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey, hey (mmm)  
"She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo  
"Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey, hey (yeah)  
"Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
"I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane  
"Told a story about a man who was too afraid to fly so he never did land"

"But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet? (john so help me if you interrupt)  
"Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day  
"And head back to the Milky Way?  
"And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?  
"Was it everything you wanted to find?  
"And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?"

Jade got up out of her seat. She hiked up her skirts and rushed through the tables to the stage to join him.

"Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken? (you can't can you dave?)  
"Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong  
"Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance, five-hour phone conversation?  
"The best soy latte that you ever had and me (wow youre such a hipster jade)"

They sang together for the rest of the song. Badly.

"But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?  
"Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day  
"And head back toward the Milky Way?  
"And tell me, did you sail across the sun?  
"Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded  
"And that heaven is overrated?  
"And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star (yes i did)"

"One without a permanent scar?  
"And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself?  
"And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day?  
"Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na  
"And did you fall for a shooting star, fall for a shooting star?  
"Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na  
"And now you're lonely looking for yourself out there."

They were terrible and were applauded for it. The band looked happy with it at least.

Dave and Jade waited for the end chord to top off the performance the only way they knew how: with an embrace and tidy makeouts.


End file.
